If the energy in and around Los Angeles had a name, it would be ‘Making it.’ Separate from the fast-paced, competitive energy of New York City, LA’s tone surrounds recognition and validation. Most arrive here with a dream, big goals they’re intent on pursuing right away. It feels as if few come to this city to live, they’re here temporarily to dream awake.
You may’ve read the above paragraph and inferred a tone that is cynical or, perhaps, negative. On the contrary, what began as a somewhat startling observation has evolved into an inspiring and highly motivating environment. Sure, there are your typical jaded folks who’ve struggled to ‘make it’ all to no avail, those bitter with the taste of failure and defeat.
More, though, echo the frequency of taking risks that make them come alive. They’ve come to LA, specifically, to see if they can transcend the monumental challenge of standing out in a crowd of millions, so that they, too, can live a dream only dozens have achieved. It’s noble, actually, I’m quite enamored and even befuddled by the many bright lights I see shining in a sea of others.
These artists aren’t thwarted by the stark reality of success rates in this city, by the fact that they’re surrounded by exceedingly talented and beautiful people, or by the multiple rejections and No’s they’ve heard thus far. They’ve managed to keep a truth in their hearts many of us soon forget: we’ve already made it.
There’s no need to feel bogged down, stripped of energy, drained of passion because we’ve yet to reach a destination we cannot even clearly see. When we begin from the place of “I’ve already made it,” the highs and lows are accepted with ease. Sure, we’re thrilled when an opportunity comes our way, and disappointed when another falls through. But we understand this is all part of the process, part of the fun, and ultimately, part of being human.
Starting each day from this happy, grateful place allows us to be more resilient when the bad days roll through, and even more joyful when the good days come our way. We understand innately that life is full of constant, unpredictable change. We, then, appreciate those few aspects of life that we can control: our breath, our smiles, our attitudes.
The old cliché, “it’s the journey, not the destination,” rings truer and truer the more life goes on. When we’re living our passion, doing what we love, each day births something new. And because so much of the dreaming process evolves in new directions each day, the end game does as well. Less intent on arriving to that mystical place we imagine full of riches and success, we instead spend our energy on making brand new memories each day, with the goal of contributing something positive Now, not simply creating opportunities somewhere down the line.
We’ve already arrived. This is something I remind my students of often; each time they take a moment to breathe and tune in, they remember that this moment is a pivotal step in their manifestation. We have power and control in what we create each day, so the adventure in making it is a path we’ve never seen walked before, and it is our gift to unwrap a new trek each day.
It’s simultaneously terrifying and empowering to realize we hold the power to our bliss. We have a direct and monumental impact on our future. And our future depends so strongly on how we view ourselves and how we act each day. Very few of us are handed our wildest dreams on a silver platter, an opportunity arriving without us even blinking an eye.
It takes work, real, genuine effort and belief to churn the energy of progress, to feel that we are, indeed, “making it.” Begin today realizing you’ve already won, and then move fearlessly into the unknown and carve a unique path that winds and curves how you see fit. The path of others is none of your business. Get inspired, learn from them, sure, but remember no one can create a masterpiece for you. It must be authentic and real to you, otherwise it won’t satisfy for long and it won’t feel as sweet.
You deserve to grow your life on your terms. “Making it” means something special to us all. Decide you’ve made it and keep making something extraordinary with your life each day. What you create in a month, year and decade will astound you. You don’t have to know where you’re going, just see where you want to Be and how you want to feel, and create smalls steps to a bigger movement from there.
Need motivation? Guidance? Clarity? Yoga for the mind, body and heart.Cheaper and often more effective than therapy. You can begin to cultivate real change and momentum without even stepping into a studio or onto a mat. And on your terms. E-mail danielle@danieatslife.com or danieatslife@gmail.com for more. Eat Life!
If you’ve changed my diapers or simply do not enjoy reading, watching, or listening to discussions or showcases of sexuality, feel free to stop reading. No offense intended or taken, although I do wish you a full life, open to all pleasures, accepting of all facets making an enjoyable existence. This article is much more than it appears on the surface, but it does involve sexuality and sex appeal. Virgins and tight asses beware 🙂
Intelligence is sexy. Discipline is sexy. Creativity is sexy. Depth is sexy. The characterization of one with sex appeal can be dissected and described a million different ways. It’s a matter of opinion and therefore holds little value in truth, but as the amount of credible opinions increase over time, an opinion then blends with fact. Empirically, Ryan Gosling and Michael Fassbender are sexy. The apparent uproar over this year’s meaningless bestowing of Sexiest Man Alive to Bradley Cooper (according to People Magazine) over Gosling shows just what weight these opinions can carry. Sure, they’re moot and unnecessary in the grand scheme, but given the nature of sexuality and the importance of it in not only society but life itself showcases the truth behind a specific culture. Who we find sexy and who we find attractive are two very different things. Certainly Mr. Sexiest Man Alive 1985 won’t be showing up again anytime soon (Mel Gibson) and only time will tell how Mr. Cooper will fare. For arguments sake, what makes someone sexy in our culture is mystery, talent, strength and goodness. Let’s break these down.
have two examples where an air of mystery is exhibited and fostered in film. Drive and Shame. Both are quieter films, dealing with some seriously violent, negative and unfortunate circumstances involving characters with secrets and depth we cannot imagine. Both are led by Gosling and Fassbender, respectively; and both have limited dialogue but an array of expression in tone, mannerisms, action and speak volumes where there is no sound. In both, despite dealing with extreme character flaws, the leading men take you through their story, convince you to accept and have compassion for them as flawed human beings while making some truly deplorable decisions. Both the characters and the actors do not lay everything out for you. Like the adult you are, you must read between the lines and come to many of your own conclusions. Beyond Fassbenders’ third leg (George Clooney joked he could play golf with his hands tied behind his back. Can’t say I’d look away if that actually happened), he has what any intriguing human being carries, life, soul and depth behind his eyes. You have no idea what or why, but you want to know more. Both men make you blush, sweat, laugh and cry, like a good lover should. Both have great senses of humor offscreen while remaining quite private and low-key, living with a brewing intensity, all adding to the enigma. I want more of both.
I’d be willing to guess 75% (probably more) of talent is wasted in this world. For any number of reasons one might go through life without recognizing their own gift, thus being unable to foster it, and give it away. What makes talent so sexy and appealing is not simply the gift, but the dedication and work behind it. I’m fortunate to be friends with some immensely talented people. Dancers, musicians, painters, graphic artists, athletes, successful business men and women, etc. I don’t watch them perform or gaze at their work and think “wow, they’re so lucky, what a gift,” I think “my god, what finding your purpose and busting your ass can do.” Sure, stage presence, artistry, a body morphed by discipline are all very physically attractive things, but the perseverance and passion behind the eyes, the audacity and courage to hone your talent and pursue it and then to exhibit it so beautifully, is so god damn hot. Watching actors be chameleons, like Gosling and Fassbender clearly are, just adds another tasty ingredient and is another reason they’re successful now and without doubt will be only improving down the road.
Strength. The word probably conjures a slew of images and examples. You might think of a gigantic man pulling an 18 wheeler, or a faceless body with ripped muscles, or an image of a person with cancer, handling their illness with integrity and grace. From what I’ve observed, it takes strength to live a very balanced life, to treat your body and mind like the machines they are while maintaining a semblance of humility and grace in order to carry it off. It’s not necessarily the way they wear their clothes or the way they look in the shower (although the pure animal magnetism when seeing a strong, broad man with a distinct voice and mannerisms, move in the way they do, like a lioness in observation of the males’ power and force, triggers a very primal center in my brain, and every instinct says MATE, make powerful offspring with THAT!), but how they carry that masculine frame, how they value their health, and the inner strength required to build the physicality, to keep bettering and challenging their work, and how they live in harmony between pride and confidence, style and substance, notoriety and privacy. I have nothing against Robert Pattinson or Justin Bieber, but they’ve yet to exhibit both the raw and the fine-tuned fusion of intelligence, talent, humor, beauty, wisdom and mystery, as the American and Brit I’m writing about here. Not even close. Here’s where goodness comes in.
I used to be very attracted to Tiger Woods, not that I don’t find him physically attractive anymore, and not that I was shocked when his scandal broke a couple years ago, but to me the discipline and strength he personified beautifully on the golf course was seemingly nonexistent in his personal life, and that shows inherent weakness. It takes genuine fortitude and a secure human being to live with integrity, to garner their own success while carrying an open heart, following their bliss, treating others well and living as little from your ego as possible. I have no judgments toward anyone’s behavior in the bedroom, truly, have fun, have one, have all, but don’t be a douche and lie to your wife while you’re banging hoards of mediocre people. Those who live life with a facade are not strong at all. They may have walls built from years of self-preservation and I certainly hope those people move past that and have the courage to live openly in all facets of their lives; but until then, you are not sexy. You can dress the part, act the part, showcase your hot body, spectacular talent and external success til the cows come home, but it’s still phony, it’s still a lie, and liars aren’t sexy, except to equally unconscious people. Goodness is what rounds out a total package. Goodness is there on the darkest days when you’re injured, or uninspired, at home with your dogs. I never assumed Tiger Woods was good, I just knew he was great. He’d perfected many things, while neglecting others. Through various stories you can read in Vanity Fair, GQ or any magazine with real journalism and in-depth interviews (not tabloids, not E! online), you’ll get a sense for Gosling and Fassbender’s humility and groundedness, their cheeky sense of humor, the love of their craft and appreciation for where they came from. Gosling takes his mom to award shows. Aw. None of us knows for sure whether their goodness is sincere, but what I’ve seen so far, it doesn’t seem fake or forced, it just is. And that’s sexy.
It seems the best films I’ve seen this year have included these two men. I recently saw A Dangerous Method, a David Cronenberg film starring Fassbender as Dr. Carl Jung, following Freud and the advent of psychoanalysis. It was driven by century old theories of sexual neurosis, rich with dialogue and propelled strongly by it’s lead. One of the most courageous films of the year involves Fassbender’s role in Shame, a successful late 30’s man living in Manhattan and suffering deeply with sex addiction, genuinely, not in the Jesse James/Tiger Woods I can’t stop cheating on my wife disease, but a raw portrayal of a lonely man without the facility and openness to love, so he screws everything and everyone, even men during times of desperation. Fassbender played the role on a razor’s edge, with equal parts control and defensiveness, charm and desperation, potential and hopelessness. Gosling carried a similar disposition in Drive, holding in secrets and engaging in very questionable behavior. That same line was drawn beautifully in George Clooney’s (another timeless and pervasively sexy man) film Ides of March. Gosling was stellar in that role as well. I’d watch Crazy, Stupid, Love on mute, for many reasons, one in particular. I’m not a comic book person, a trilogy or sequel follower (haven’t seen all Star Wars, Lord of Rings, Spiderman, Superman, etc. not really interested), but X-Men: First Class knocked my socks off. Just like in Inglorious Basterds, Fassbender is a scene stealer here. They’ve both proved their dedication and craftsmanship in films like Hunger and Lars and the Real Girl, and we’ll look forward to continued brilliance in Prometheus and Only God Forgives, but for now, we’ll just will ourselves to dream about them in the whee hours of the night.
Note: Carrie Mulligan is in both of these fantastic films. She is a very talented beauty, very sexy in her own right.
You may be in a relationship, as am I, but you’re not dead, and neither am I. The very descriptions I used to prove Gosling and Fassbender’s sexual magnetism is living and breathing in many people I know, men and women, and the one I’m lucky to sleep next to every night. There are many talented, strong, intelligent and beautiful women, famous or not, who are living truthfully, devoted and passionate, genuinely sexy human beings. I’m encouraged and inspired, just without the urge to surge, but understand why men do. I’ve been drawn to men since I was young, never being attracted to men my age and hardly wasting time on the Justin Bieber types. Give me an interesting, clever, open, thoughtful and strong man and I’m a happy woman. I enjoy having the open dialogue with the very sexy man in my life, neither of us being threatened by a harmless crush but totally agreeing in what makes someone sexy. Sex is fun, seeing others embrace this makes life an enjoyable ride, so to speak. Enjoy your crushes in a respectful way and challenge your standards at what constitutes sexy. And if you’re unsure, check out Ryan Gosling or Michael Fassbender in anything. Hopefully they’ll make some ironic sexy man film together someday, or maybe that will just exist in my dreams.
No need to be uptight. We were born naked. Learning to embrace primal urges while finding balance is a key to a good life. Life full of delicious foods, mental dexterity, physical challenges, high brow humor and down n’ dirty romps in the sack, with a sexy partner, or by yourself. Happy humping everyone.
Today I discuss a showcase of multiple art-forms, those beginning with great writing and continuing with great filming and performances. Rarely have I watched a reality show or even the majority of sitcoms and have the depth of thoughts and laughs I had when viewing these two films. Both are rich in worthiness and drowning in depth and meaning, but mainly, they are entertaining and intelligent, and lead to reflection and inquiry over my own level of courage. These films are Howl and Defending Your Life.
Howl
For those who aren’t familiar yet, Howl is a four-part poem written by acclaimed American writer, Allen Ginsberg. It was written in the late 50’s, a proclamation of love, creativity, passion, rebellion, honesty, and truth. A bold account of life as a young artist in a post World War II era, a time speckled with parallels to now, to our generation of aspiring artists, our fears, our love, our hope and our honesty. Howl is Ginsberg’s On The Road, him being of that “Beat Generation”, which is merely a handful of prolific writers and artists of other genres who explored New York City, the United States and their inner turmoil together in the 50’s and 60’s. The poem is raw, vulgar, heartfelt, combustible, and thought-provoking. Howl set fire to the emotions of many when it was published, creating a storm of support and a hurricane of hate. Copies of Howl were removed, burned and often those caught reading it were penalized. The publisher stood trial with a famously conservative judge on it’s literary merit and validity, facing the potential for imprisonment and a shift from our 1st amendment rights into a darker, more conservative realm, a world where our government controls our expression, judges it against ambiguous and impossible standards, and then decides on their own whether others can read it themselves.
Allen Ginsberg is portrayed by the enigmatic and endlessly talented James Franco. What a chameleon he is. There are plenty of good actors out there, those that can deliver lines naturally, believably, but there are very few with the range of James Franco, Sean Penn or Meryl Streep. Or Kate Winslet. There’s a short list and James is on it. I’m digging his choices, his writing, his pursuit of education, his laid back nature and his handsome, symmetrical face. It doesn’t hurt, all I’m saying. He transforms into this ethereal, cerebral man whose verbal expression is as exquisite as it is jarring. Allen shares through Howl, and other pieces, his love and attraction for men, particularly the men he was friends with, the men finding their own way, men including Jack Kerouac (most famous for writing On The Road) and William S. Burroughs (Naked Lunch), eventually finding love with Peter Orlovsky, who he remained with until his death in 1997. Howl is a naked portrayal of Allen’s truths during that time, his sexuality being merely one of many facets. As you can imagine, it caused quite the stir.
The film has a style and execution all its own. Inspired and created from Ginsberg’s published writings, interviews and court records, Howl follows the prolific and unprecedented legal proceedings taking place in 1957. The script adheres to the trial’s transcript verbatim, with the brooding and sexy Jon Hamm playing the charismatic, ball busting defense attorney, J.W. Ehrlich. These scenes are interwoven with Franco passionately reading Howl to an audience of nonconformists with gorgeous, jazzy animation telling the visual story while Ginsberg read his own. Edited beautifully from courtroom to poetry readings to the one-on-one interview with an older Ginsberg, the film tells an inspired story that changed history and continuously plays on the hearts of aspiring artists today. The poem reminds us that love is love, there is no set structure or guideline to recognizing or defining art, we must make the distinction between prose and poetry, and we must have the balls to lead with our hearts. The Beat Generation rejected materialism, the confines of western organized religion, and basic standards and practices of literature. They wrote soulfully, from who they are, not who society forced them to be.
We can all benefit from the previous generation’s artistic integrity and Howl is a perfect marriage of old and new, showcasing a creator’s work while making an original piece on their own. I’ve never known where I belong and I’m somewhat happy to march to the beat of my own drum, but I’m also glad to resonate with those from different eras and to remind myself to keep creating and sharing, regardless of opinion or outcome. 84 minutes of truth. You should watch it.
Defending Your Life
I love Albert Brooks. I do. He’s brilliant, comically and intellectually. I’m stoked he’s receiving high praise and nominations for his supporting role in Drive, a film unmatched, in this year or any other. Oddly enough, there’s more reasons than Ryan Gosling in a tight shirt to watch it. It’s unbelievably good and really fricken cool. Back to Albert. After small roles in the early seasons of SNL, Brooks went on to be cast in such memorable films as Taxi Driver, Terms of Endearment, Private Benjamin, The Twilight Zone film, and a slew of voiceover work, most notably as Nemo’s father in (what else?) Finding Nemo. You can find all this on imdb, if you don’t know who he is, I’m not sure what to say. He has a distinctive voice both in sound and in expression. He is caustically funny, humorously cranky and a damn good writer. He starred in two of my favorite films from the 80’s, Dudley Moore’s Unfaithfully Yours and the genius, unforgettable Broadcast News. You could check out any number of the films I mentioned previously, but if I were to direct you to one piece, something that showcases him at his very best, then it’ll have to be Defending Your Life.
I wish I’d seen this movie sooner, earlier in my life, because I loved it so much and feel I could have benefitted from it’s humor and message at a young age. I’m fortunate in that my parents passed on some great films from before my time, so I grew up and still love movies no one my age cares about or has heard of, and that’s part of my objective as a writer, to share goodness, and Defending Your Life is damn good. Brooks wrote, directed and starred in this film and wisely cast the good in anything she does Meryl Streep and the fascinating and entertaining Rip Torn. Brooks plays Daniel Miller, an affable, hard-working, do-gooder, typical middle-aged American dude with too much emphasis on self-preservation and avoiding fears. Daniel is dry and inquisitive, smart and kind, but lacking a heavy dose of courage. A series of unfortunate decisions leads to Daniel’s death, where he’s sent to Judgment City, resembling Anytown, USA and involving details most likely found in purgatory, if it exists.
Judgment City is a place with pleasant weather day in and day out, an endless supply of perfectly cooked food which will have no consequence on your body, regardless how much you eat, and a horde of mostly centenarians all awaiting trial to defend their lives. Daniel is led to Bob Diamond (Rip Torn), a lawyer of sorts who seems to have swallowed happiness pills and been tasked with defending Daniel’s life in front of two objective judges. Depending on your life’s decisions and circumstances leading in, you are given an allotted number of days from your life which the two appointed judges will observe along with you, your defender and your prosecutor. The prosecutor selects clips in which you exemplify and choose fear, the defender then countering with shots of courage and instances of goodness, the whole premise being earthlings use 3-5% of their brains and in order to move along in the universe, you must prove you deserve it by showcasing your ability to overcome fear and take advantage of your brain. Those living and working in Judgment City utilize a whopping 50 + percent of their brains and are therefore highly evolved, critically thinking, compassionate human beings who are at once courageous and wise, bold and understated, thoughtful and heartful (I’m going to make this a word).
Daniel then meets Julia (Meryl Streep), initially drawn together because of their proximity in age, who then find themselves falling deeply in love over a four-day period. Streep’s character has 4 days to pull from in order to defend her life; the less you’re given, presumably the less you need to move on, to be allowed to evolve further instead of giving life another shot on Earth. She’s led a fearless life, full of love and ambitious pursuits. Being fear natured as Daniel is, he is both drawn and intimidated by Julia’s magnetic courage. Throughout the film, we look back on 9 pivotal moments in his life, seeing both sides of the coin, making our own arguments for him to either be sent back to Earth, or moved forward into the evolving universe. It’s a captivating idea, one which certainly makes you ponder the quality of your own existence and measures of courage. We’ve all wimped out before, in some way or another. Many of us deal directly with very common fears; heights, claustrophobia, death, by facing them head on in any number of ways. I’ve jumped out of an airplane and hurtled my long limbs toward the earth at god knows what speed and yet was terrified to pursue writing, teaching and especially romantic love. If I could go back in time and slap my weak self I would, but clearly regrets are a waste of time and are only meaningful if you haven’t learned from your past. I’m much stronger now and through the inspiration of the outside world and my inside circle of friends I’m finding myself to be more courageous everyday. This film dares you to acknowledge your own level of courage and to perhaps be more bold than you ever have before. I will not ruin the end or provide too many details, just know what a smart, humorous and considerate film this is. It’s no wonder it has the respect and love it does. You’ll love it, if not for the first time, then again.
It’s befitting I watched both films this week, as courage has been a running theme and goal in my life for the past few years, kicked into high gear over the recent resolution chatter. Courage comes from the latin root cor meaning heart. And through various readings and pondering, it has emerged that courage does not equate to fearlessness but rather the acknowledgment of fear and the choice to be courageous in spite of that fear. And as much as courage is thrown in with the adjective brave, courage refers more to a consistent state of being, a pervasive attitude and approach to life. Courage refers to an open heart. It was brave to jump out of an airplane, some saying bravery is the kindest euphemism for stupidity, but it takes courage to love openly, express yourself truthfully and follow your passion, without any guarantee of success, money, or knowledge of a future outcome.
Being courageous, similar to being happy, is a choice. It is far easier to wallow in fear, complaint, blame and self-pity, and believe me I’ve been there. But it takes guts, balls, vagina (Betty White wisely pointed out that testicles are sensitive orbs that retreat with any presence of danger, whereas a vagina withstands all kinds of intrusive obstruction and perhaps when referring to the brave or courageous, we should not refer to a big set of balls but rather a tough vagina. Too much? Ah, get over it, wimp (; ), to live with gusto, in the active pursuit of life rather than the passive avoidance of death. Defending Your Life simultaneously makes us ponder the quality of our existence while also recognizing if we are in fact living in an act of defense, opposition, spending more time protecting and not doing, fighting against something, instead of nutting (vulva-ing? there’s no good ring like nuts or balls, what a shame) up and living actively, openly, passionately on the offense. I dare you to do the same. The beautiful truth is it’s never to late to play offense, to give fear the middle finger and to live a more courageous, heartful life. Give yourself and others that gift, and remember it’s a process. Be better everyday, with limited focus on the end goal and more emphasis on the nature of your daily reality, moment to moment. I’m a work in progress but feel better today than yesterday with and intention to be better tomorrow.
Be passionate. Be courageous. Be loving. Be grateful. Just Be.
mastic8onthis 